I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
