You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
