we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
