And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
