just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
