3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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