I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
