I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
