I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
