Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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