hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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