I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
