Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
