In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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