wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
