I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
