Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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