Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
