You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
