Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
