TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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