This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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