you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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