Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
