Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
