so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
