that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize