I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
