sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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