I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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