she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
