you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
