No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
