Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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