I will die if light touches me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize