My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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