toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
