i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
