You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
