Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
