If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
