I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
