I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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