He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
