Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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