Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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