She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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