Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize