i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
