I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
