Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
