I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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