To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
