I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
