if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
