one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
