gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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