I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
