I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
