The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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