i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
