am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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