do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
