Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
