I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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