In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
