I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
