Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
